What’s cookin’ in the kitchen?

Twelve. Twelve is the number of cook books I have. They take up a whole shelf that could be used for actual food. They sit and gather dust. And cobwebs. And dried up ladybug corpses. It is clear I am not quite the person past me thought I would be.

a ‘before’ picture

I can find my way around the kitchen. I’m not a clueless gal who can only make toast. But when I have spare time there are just other things i’d rather be doing. Like, a lot of other things. Anything else really. Plus my partner is a phenomenal cook so why interfere with their chance to shine. Right?

Problems with the cook books

•  Too many ingredients in every recipe – Anything with more than 8 ingredients in it and I am out. I don’t want a bunch of mustard seeds taking up space just because I made one recipe that called for 1/2 teaspoon.
• They are desserts – I’m cooking in an effort to stay healthy here!
• It was from a cleanse – I can proudly say i’ve done the wild rose cleanse. I took the supplements without hurling and I don’t need to ever do it again. 
• It was that shitty raw food book from my last blog post – No, i’m not axing open coconuts in my kitchen without proper supervision 
• It’s 90s vegetarian – I was a vegetarian once. All the cookbooks from that era are basically cheese and tofu pastas. 

All the decluttering gurus say if someone else can find more value in these than it may be time to part with them so this is a no-brainer. I kept two books and copies of any recipe i’ve ever actually made. Success!

The Cleanse – It’s happening

This is different. In the past I’ve spent the summer busting my ass working 6 days a week trying to ‘get ahead’ (whatever that means). But this year I did the opposite. I did yoga, and went swimming, bike riding and hiking.

But because I believe in balance, I also ate ice cream religiously, started many days with Baileys in my coffee and ended it with sangria. In my defence, there is a perfectly good explanation for the Irish cream. I ran out of almond milk and was given no other option. 

Pictured: hope and promise

At a certain point my taste buds started craving only creamy, chocolatey, salty treats which led me to my idea to do a 5 day juice cleanse.  A reset if you will. This is my experience so far: 

1. Going Cold Turkey:  

   Other more qualified people suggest easing into a juice cleanse with a few days of healthy eating so your body doesn’t go into shock.  I did not listen to these people. I started the day with – you guessed it – Baileys and coffee with whip cream for good measure. I had a night cap of both white and red sangria. Because I am a champ. 

2. Grocery Shopping:

   The thing with juice cleanses is, you can either pay $60/day for someone to supply you with the juice, or you can just do it yourself and it costs maybe  $15/day. Is there a quality difference? Maybe. I decided to juice my own damn veggies except I didn’t actually buy any. So that was a bit of a snafu. Realizing I had no food, I ate a mango and some blueberries before heading to the grocery store. Crisis averted.

3. Green tea Goblins

   Saying goodbye to my morning java was going to be tough. I decided to substitute with a green tea called something something Buddha because something something antioxidants. I forgot that green tea makes me feel like vomiting. So half way through the green tea I had to lay down and ride out the nausea wave. Some blame the tannins but those are also in red wine and red wine has never let me down before. Thanks Buddha.

4. Rice cakes:

   I really needed something to settle my stomach so I had a couple rice cakes. If you are keeping track – my juice cleanse thus far contained only solid food and zero vegetables. Still, I took no delight in eating the rice cakes so I’ve decided they don’t count.

After a rough morning  I managed to juice a bunch of fruits and veggies into 5 different combos of green coloured goo and the rest of the day fell into place. For now. 

Speaking my mind & swearing at strangers

I didn’t start off the day thinking I’d tell off the bus driver. I swear.  Quite the opposite in fact. I’ve been working hard to be a really good, happy person.

I do yoga. I sing. I, of all people, now have a fucking ‘success journal’.  I treat others with compassion and understanding and I come from a place of love.

None of this comes natural to me so this is kind of a big deal.

My friends and I have had some shitty jobs, fast food chains, amusement parks, call centres, you name it. So I’m extra kind to those in the service industry. I ask my barista how she’s doing. I ask the bank teller if he’s having a good day. You get the idea.

I finish my restorative yoga class which is a lot like play school but better. I stretch, I relax so much i fall asleep.  I leave there happy as a clam.

As a side note, I’m also 5’3 and was wearing a puffy pink winter vest which makes me look like an adorable fashion victim.

At the bus stop, the bus pulls up and the six people in front of me plow on to a very full bus. There is only me and one other person waiting to get on still. The door is open and I can tell this driver is not a happy camper. She is scowling as she yells, “Everyone behind the white line. This bus isn’t going anywhere until everyone is BEHIND THE LINE.”

I assumed she was trying to make room for me and the other woman to jump on. Why? Well, That’s what usually happens. The door was still open. She hadn’t told us she couldn’t. So i tentatively put a foot on the bus and this driver screamed at me .

“No, I SAID NO. There are too many people on here as it is. Do i look like I have room for you?”

And I said, “Okay, but you don’t have to be mean about it, YOU BITCH.”

In the perfect world, if i was a perfect person coming from aforementioned ‘place of love’, I would have said something nice and caring like, “I hope your day gets better.”. I would have realized her rant had nothing to do with me and more to do with her job stress, her family, her relationship and I would have let it just roll off my shoulder.

But this is the problem, me and people like me face… when you try to be that blissful and loving all the time, sometimes you end up denying the authentic you. You internalize your anger. You smile and say something loving when you are seething inside. I do this a lot. I do it so much I have mad shoulder tension and bite marks on the side of my tongue, from literally biting my tongue!

And from the global perspective, it is not always good to let shit like this go.

I don’t want to validate her bad behaviour by doing nothing. It creates a vicious cycle of people being pricks and not being called out on it. It makes nice people who just happen to get in the way have to deal with this by either meditating on it to release the negative vibes to the universe fairies or by not letting go and chewing their tongues off.

Yelling at someone for no good reason is aggressive and abusive behaviour. And it’s very unpredictable. I don’t let my family and friends talk to me like that, so why should I let a total stranger?

So really, I swore at the bus driver for the greater good of mankind. Everyone wins. I feel great for finally speaking my mind, and now that bitch knows she was being a bitch.

Now that is something worth writing in the success journal.